Seasons of the Abyss-My Alchemical change Pt 2

Undergoing the process of returning from the Abyss becomes extremely insightful. I refer to the process of detangling. I spent about a year (this time) because I  still needed to learn. I needed to find my will and retain from any mind altering substances which I successfully completed. It is not about the “disease of addiction” this is about changing your behavioral pattern. What do I exactly mean by this, getting in the shower and brushing your teeth with your left hand instead of brushing them outside the shower with your right. It is all the small things, things to some of us that have become challenging. Challenged by “addiction”. I say, with the power of will you can over come the boxed notion that for the rest of your life you will be in recovery. I am recovered! It is a mind frame. That is part of the detangling process and the brain pattern recognition in your head. The mind is a powerful mechanism. Over the course of the two years, I have completely abandoned the outside influences in my life.  This distinguishes me to a pure neutrality. The exuberance of my spirit to be reflected in my work . During this time not only with the most profound psychological weakness but even expression.  Pathological disturbances intellect, even that half-numb state that follows. I organically had returned to my core, as nature intended it to be. The decadence of looking from the natural perspective, the longest training, my truest experience if anything. Revaluation of values was perhaps for me to be alone. I have always instinctively chosen the right against wrenched states. I was finally healthy enough to choose absolute solitude and not be succumbed by distractive entities created by humans. Nonsense. It took a long period of being “sick” but in that period I discovered life anew, including myself. The instinct of self restoration allowed me to carve my true senses in life and continue on a  life of and philosophy of Pathei Mathos. I am always collecting from everything I see, hear, smell, taste, touch, and also my natural ability to instinctively collect my frame of reference as it is presented to me . My brothers, my sisters, my family outside the collective view of human nature has more to learn what that statement exactly means however; I do and I appreciate all life and in return all life as I know it appreciates me. Yes of course there are those fuck bags out there that will never understand the beauty and essence that surrounds them and unfortunately, they will choose their own personal destiny by their instinctive nature that becomes through seals their fate. An organism must first die in order for an organism to renew itself. Nature is here for us to learn to live within her environment and it demands nothing from us but humans demand everything from her. Learning to live with mother nature is one of the most fulfilling and accomplishing factors in my life. I am prepared that if I couldn’t retrieve life sustaining supplies from my local grocery store, I am prepared to live along nature.    





“Sinister Awakening” it is a subconscious thought, belief etc; becoming to a conscious one. This depict the stream, flowing, freely without disruption our consciousness, our reality exists independently the experience based upon senses ie; smell touch, site, taste and hearing. Our senses from our primal view. The savage god refers to planet earth and its uncontrolled force that is naturally unpredictable. Perception that is self created, starts to require our energy  actually comes an entity ie; emotion. The two way factor indicates that we have two views, one being our natural view with our natural instincts and then our second view which leads to perception because we are now  distracted by what is around us suggesting other entities.

It is suggested that perception can require us to direct our energy creating an actual entities. These entities created are typically “temporary” created through abstract ideas, emotions, and perception that we have now self made.

We create hate, anger, jealousy, rage, racism, etc; infecting society with false identities challenging the understanding the nature of consciousness. The stream of thoughts that are pure, unaffected as nature intended are now human created entities.

Don’t get to distracted by what is happening in the Tarot card and stay with your natural view. Abstractions are placed upon the experience and completely persuading our natural instinctive image or natural experience of reality by distorting the natural instinctive image or natural experience of reality by distorting the natural instinct view.

I do depict that our ancestors are watching and waiting for us to make the natural decisions. Nature is always renewed after it dies and an organisms must first die. The rebirth is the most important.Image result for sinister tarot cards


Physis “Ga Wath Am”

Physis(Ga Wath Am) Nature latin (Natural) greek- Intrinsic characteristics that plans, animals and other features of the world develop on their own accord.

When nature tries to intervene with natural tears when an over active or stressed in alchemically as excess fire hot/dry. Depicting the sulphur-mercury theory . She is struggling not only internally but with distorted proportions. When sulphur and mercury united in different proportions and in different degrees of purity, the various metals and minerals took shape. If both were pure,when combined in the most equilibrium, the product would be perfect, namely gold. Defects in purity, particularly in proportion lead to formation silver, iron, lead, tin, and copper. Essentially composed of the same constituents as gold the accident of the combination might be rectified by suitable treatment and dry meals of elixirs.

I researched the phrase “Ga Wath Am” which means “The Power Within Me is Great”. I of course took it a step further and believed those were intended to depict the The grouping of 4 Periodic elements.




Periodic Table Information

Ga-31- Gallium
W-74- Tingsten
A-90 degree angle in crystalized state
Th-90- Thoriam
Am-95- Americum

A Sinister Calling

personal; transformation

“Sinister” is just another word for “spiritual” however; that word has seemingly become burnt out and no one really knows what “spiritual” really means. Entering the Abyss has been the most personal experience I have endured. I walked the border of insanity, temporarily presided into madness and in return I gained invaluable knowledge. I journaled most of these experiences as a personal reference to reflect back on. I did not understand most of what was being exposed to me at that time, however, the further I traveled the “left hand path” the more knowledge prevailed. It just seemed to go hand in hand. I just followed what I was given and it continues to lead me on this “self-aware” journey. I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe synchronicity. People tend to confuse this with a “purpose”.  In actuality it is a simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.

People often attempt to define me, configure my personality into a box but I never could fit. For as long as I can remember I always had a mind of my own and marched to the beat of my own drum. I was connected with nature in an intense manner. I recall sitting at the top of the highest trees in the woods just talking with the trees by myself or hours lost. My hair needed to be chopped off once due to too much sap. I could never When someone asks me what “religion” preference I follow, I simply state that I do not believe in religion (man-made term) I just believe in “continuous”. I believe our energy never dies, it continues on to something else. I was always discovering my deeper inner abilities. I lived life with an open mind, judgement free and empathy. I learn something from every situation, good, bad indifferent. In every way possible I avoided conflict or anything that would contribute to hurting anyone. I could always be the “friend” that had the best advice through thoughtful reasoning and rational natural balance . This deeper part of my psyche, my consciousness and a part of the brain that takes years to develop. I look back and realize that I was made up of all the essentials to live a numinous way. By nature. My love, compassion and heart enables a numinous sympathy with other living-being in a causal moment that I can actually feel the other suffering, happiness etc; I have experienced enough of my own and I certainly can sense it immediately

I refer to something/someone as “them” not only my protectors but also the one’s who are there. I can’t see “them” but I feel their presence and awareness. I was on a heavy trip down the left hand path, however, I was pushing boundaries that could have trapped me in the Abyss. Any instances, and again not coincidences. I do very strongly believe I am part of “them” and in writing this I hope more of “them” will reach out to me. Reflecting back to my journalism, it has given me a certain course or guide to my next research.  The information that I knew prior to the research I studied, I could’ve never have possibly known. I continue to write things that I couldn’t understand then but I do now know. The knowledge revealed to me in the Abyss matches a history detrimental to a future greater to be known. For me this is my own personal destiny to continue. I don’t believe we have a purpose or destiny except as a “woman” to continue to the next aeon. I look forward in sharing some of my research and theories to come. Seeing this is my very first blog post, I wanted to give some type of perspective to where I am going with this blog.

~Karu Samsu~