Undergoing the process of returning from the Abyss becomes extremely insightful. I refer to the process of detangling. I spent about a year (this time) because I still needed to learn. I needed to find my will and retain from any mind altering substances which I successfully completed. It is not about the “disease of addiction” this is about changing your behavioral pattern. What do I exactly mean by this, getting in the shower and brushing your teeth with your left hand instead of brushing them outside the shower with your right. It is all the small things, things to some of us that have become challenging. Challenged by “addiction”. I say, with the power of will you can over come the boxed notion that for the rest of your life you will be in recovery. I am recovered! It is a mind frame. That is part of the detangling process and the brain pattern recognition in your head. The mind is a powerful mechanism. Over the course of the two years, I have completely abandoned the outside influences in my life. This distinguishes me to a pure neutrality. The exuberance of my spirit to be reflected in my work . During this time not only with the most profound psychological weakness but even expression. Pathological disturbances intellect, even that half-numb state that follows. I organically had returned to my core, as nature intended it to be. The decadence of looking from the natural perspective, the longest training, my truest experience if anything. Revaluation of values was perhaps for me to be alone. I have always instinctively chosen the right against wrenched states. I was finally healthy enough to choose absolute solitude and not be succumbed by distractive entities created by humans. Nonsense. It took a long period of being “sick” but in that period I discovered life anew, including myself. The instinct of self restoration allowed me to carve my true senses in life and continue on a life of and philosophy of Pathei Mathos. I am always collecting from everything I see, hear, smell, taste, touch, and also my natural ability to instinctively collect my frame of reference as it is presented to me . My brothers, my sisters, my family outside the collective view of human nature has more to learn what that statement exactly means however; I do and I appreciate all life and in return all life as I know it appreciates me. Yes of course there are those fuck bags out there that will never understand the beauty and essence that surrounds them and unfortunately, they will choose their own personal destiny by their instinctive nature that becomes through seals their fate. An organism must first die in order for an organism to renew itself. Nature is here for us to learn to live within her environment and it demands nothing from us but humans demand everything from her. Learning to live with mother nature is one of the most fulfilling and accomplishing factors in my life. I am prepared that if I couldn’t retrieve life sustaining supplies from my local grocery store, I am prepared to live along nature.
“Sinister Awakening” it is a subconscious thought, belief etc; becoming to a conscious one. This depict the stream, flowing, freely without disruption our consciousness, our reality exists independently the experience based upon senses ie; smell touch, site, taste and hearing. Our senses from our primal view. The savage god refers to planet earth and its uncontrolled force that is naturally unpredictable. Perception that is self created, starts to require our energy actually comes an entity ie; emotion. The two way factor indicates that we have two views, one being our natural view with our natural instincts and then our second view which leads to perception because we are now distracted by what is around us suggesting other entities.
It is suggested that perception can require us to direct our energy creating an actual entities. These entities created are typically “temporary” created through abstract ideas, emotions, and perception that we have now self made.
We create hate, anger, jealousy, rage, racism, etc; infecting society with false identities challenging the understanding the nature of consciousness. The stream of thoughts that are pure, unaffected as nature intended are now human created entities.
Don’t get to distracted by what is happening in the Tarot card and stay with your natural view. Abstractions are placed upon the experience and completely persuading our natural instinctive image or natural experience of reality by distorting the natural instinctive image or natural experience of reality by distorting the natural instinct view.
I do depict that our ancestors are watching and waiting for us to make the natural decisions. Nature is always renewed after it dies and an organisms must first die. The rebirth is the most important.
Physis– (Ga Wath Am) Nature latin (Natural) greek- Intrinsic characteristics that plans, animals and other features of the world develop on their own accord.
When nature tries to intervene with natural tears when an over active or stressed in alchemically as excess fire hot/dry. Depicting the sulphur-mercury theory . She is struggling not only internally but with distorted proportions. When sulphur and mercury united in different proportions and in different degrees of purity, the various metals and minerals took shape. If both were pure,when combined in the most equilibrium, the product would be perfect, namely gold. Defects in purity, particularly in proportion lead to formation silver, iron, lead, tin, and copper. Essentially composed of the same constituents as gold the accident of the combination might be rectified by suitable treatment and dry meals of elixirs.
I researched the phrase “Ga Wath Am” which means “The Power Within Me is Great”. I of course took it a step further and believed those were intended to depict the The grouping of 4 Periodic elements.
Periodic Table Information
A-90 degree angle in crystalized state
The Alchemical Change and Substance Abuse Part 1- Insight Role
Hi my name is Amy and I am (Cross Addicted) ummm…… The first day in rehab awake and I am lying….Hi my name is Amy and I am (Cross Addicted). The first day in rehab awake and I am lying. I said “no I am on opportunist” and of course my newly younger anger management recovering family member counselor looked perplexed. I said that means chances are if it is sitting in front of my face smirking at me with the slightest chance for me to abuse, use, and bleed it dry for a buzz, I will one night stand it. I mean we are all sitting in these chairs, lying, dying and completely have nothing better to do than to be sitting with jesus christ in rehab… and Meghan… Meek Meghan, yes Meghan I called you meek and told them you could not council me because I would devour your pretty, angry and completely clueless innocent soul in a matter of seconds. I could not place my esteem issue, detoxing “diseased” complex while smiling with my lying fuck off inferior perception of myself if I just up and signed into rehab to work on myself. She of course was still was offended and scratching her neck like a dog, biggest hint from a recovering anger management “recovering family member” that this girl is underlying just as fucked up as I am and I was in no shape formulated to compete with her for first place. I think she won because Librium was prescribed from some indian doctor, former AA, probably a dope head only because that drug runs lazy from where I see him sitting minus the passing out in his sporty coffee cup. 8 times a day, 8 pills, ok I have done worse. Absolutely not, what in the fuck did you ex junkies give me? I couldn’t even find any energy or coherence to mutter the words from my mouth as I shuffled out of the “detox ward” into a full blown AA meeting. “Those Fuckers I mumbled” Hi Im Nichole and I will be your buddy greeting me at the fake coffee with a fake hug. Of course I misunderstood her and I said no I don’t have a buddy in here, I need to eat lunch or Nurse GG camel bags will mark me as in compliant. She attempted several more tries at “the buddy” bark before I did the Librium shuffle to a banana and orange juice. Day 4 and I was finally coherent enough to wake up. I didn’t know I had slept for 4 days but graciously complacent to all 3 meals, I think. My roommate looked like she was trying to be a boot stomping italian mobster but she the sweetest, yet delightfully mean mugged at all times and it really didn’t make anyone want to talk to us which I was thankful for. My buddy Nichole, she wouldn’t even walk out the same door as me.
Greg Strife, this empty suit, wait thats a pretty bad ass picture of Jimi Hendrix hmm…. Amy O with the smuggest fucking laugh I have ever heard that I busted out laughing. I said why am I the only one who has to have her last initial pronounced and the only Amy in probably a 100 mile radiance he laughed. Asked me 3 questions that made his balls outgrow the entire room and speechless. I said well my Mom isn’t the most resourceful on this and she is dramatic, like extra scary dramatic. He said just get the fuck out? I said wait I can’t? So you know I am just going to eventually come back. He said again, get the fuck out of my office liar and when you can tell me one truth maybe I will open the door and allow you face to face counseling. Don’t be looking all meek he said amy. Fuck, I thought to myself. So he held good on his word and made me tell a truth before he would open it. Just my luck he is deaf as fuck from front row jam bands and eccentrically spiced up from all the crack he smoked. Just my guy. I said listen I asked for the biggest ass hole in here because I can’t have someone baby me, I will walk all over them, its my defensive mechanism. I need someone who will make me feel as uncomfortable, naked and completely sabotage the second you sense bullshit. Your hired. He is actually a really cool guy and if anyone could run a rehab clinic of Wyoming Valley, this hippy ex crack head was the perfect underlying sadist to do it. Only one funny joke I will share from him. I was on a non sleep, non nobody fucking cares binger and worked out every morning before the “Breakfast Pumps” sporting their jail made eyeliner, freshly toothpaste hair and first ******** of the day. Here comes Joe Kane jamming out with Dick (his real name) like a teenage dream. He said to this skinny looking dude attempting to lift weights like mike tyson, and epically embracing his girl and his weights as “Dallas Barbie” a former speed ball junkie and young bitch fucking know it all who looks like she dead and no one told her. She is flipping her hair and picking at her gums. I think wow-Greg Strife just ruined “skinny dude’s” chance at a rehab romance with Dallas Barbie indefinitely with his “toilet water” comment. He said whats your name muscles? Listen you were just shooting dirty urinal water in your arms 3 days ago, chill out. It was the first sober belly laugh with tears I had. I remember thinking at that very moment, life its still funny at the most inappropriate times. I knew I was going to be just fine.
“Sinister” is just another word for “spiritual” however; that word has seemingly become burnt out and no one really knows what “spiritual” really means. Entering the Abyss has been the most personal experience I have endured. I walked the border of insanity, temporarily presided into madness and in return I gained invaluable knowledge. I journaled most of these experiences as a personal reference to reflect back on. I did not understand most of what was being exposed to me at that time, however, the further I traveled the “left hand path” the more knowledge prevailed. It just seemed to go hand in hand. I just followed what I was given and it continues to lead me on this “self-aware” journey. I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe synchronicity. People tend to confuse this with a “purpose”. In actuality it is a simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.
People often attempt to define me, configure my personality into a box but I never could fit. For as long as I can remember I always had a mind of my own and marched to the beat of my own drum. I was connected with nature in an intense manner. I recall sitting at the top of the highest trees in the woods just talking with the trees by myself or hours lost. My hair needed to be chopped off once due to too much sap. I could never When someone asks me what “religion” preference I follow, I simply state that I do not believe in religion (man-made term) I just believe in “continuous”. I believe our energy never dies, it continues on to something else. I was always discovering my deeper inner abilities. I lived life with an open mind, judgement free and empathy. I learn something from every situation, good, bad indifferent. In every way possible I avoided conflict or anything that would contribute to hurting anyone. I could always be the “friend” that had the best advice through thoughtful reasoning and rational natural balance . This deeper part of my psyche, my consciousness and a part of the brain that takes years to develop. I look back and realize that I was made up of all the essentials to live a numinous way. By nature. My love, compassion and heart enables a numinous sympathy with other living-being in a causal moment that I can actually feel the other suffering, happiness etc; I have experienced enough of my own and I certainly can sense it immediately
I refer to something/someone as “them” not only my protectors but also the one’s who are there. I can’t see “them” but I feel their presence and awareness. I was on a heavy trip down the left hand path, however, I was pushing boundaries that could have trapped me in the Abyss. Any instances, and again not coincidences. I do very strongly believe I am part of “them” and in writing this I hope more of “them” will reach out to me. Reflecting back to my journalism, it has given me a certain course or guide to my next research. The information that I knew prior to the research I studied, I could’ve never have possibly known. I continue to write things that I couldn’t understand then but I do now know. The knowledge revealed to me in the Abyss matches a history detrimental to a future greater to be known. For me this is my own personal destiny to continue. I don’t believe we have a purpose or destiny except as a “woman” to continue to the next aeon. I look forward in sharing some of my research and theories to come. Seeing this is my very first blog post, I wanted to give some type of perspective to where I am going with this blog.
I started this journey a little over a year ago. Not only my balancing force, my brother, my mentor, and love of my life, with no mutual friends in common, he found me. I didn’t quite know what his preference in religion was, nor did I care. We spent months getting to know each other and he saw what I now am coming to learn about myself. As my Mother calls it, that “witchcraft” is something greater than any of that. Pathworking the sinister tarot cards has revealed my deepest psyche by slowly stripping the layers of my huge ego that I created to barricade the powers within. It had been world wind experience and is continuing to change my life. It has brought me to the brink of chaos, madness, depression, and an insight that has been revealed in forms that nothing could have prepared me for. I came into this with a complete open mind, no preconceived notions and very little knowledge of working this left-handed path. I was raised a catholic and was forced into religion. I questioned my put of place existence as a catholic my entire life. My mother made us attend CCD and church until I was 18. My own church eventually shunned and turned its back on me. That was probably the first liberating experience I have encountered. I was working two job, selling death to attend college. I could no longer attend the services but yet they still took that envelope with my dues for two years before telling my Mother she could no longer pick them up. I was always that “student” inquisitive, questioning why a box couldn’t be a circle and the Catholics only response was “We don’t question our lord” That answer just wasn’t acceptable to me and the science, physics, chemistry and common sense just could not allow me to continue with my raised religion. My answer today when I’m asked what religion I am, I simply state that I don’t believe in religion, I just believe in continuance. I am here to seek “them” my brothers and sisters.