A Sinister Calling

“Sinister” is just another word for “spiritual” however; that word has seemingly become burnt out and no one really knows what “spiritual” really means. Entering the Abyss has been the most personal experience I have endured. I walked the border of insanity, temporarily presided into madness and in return I gained invaluable knowledge. I journaled most of these experiences as a personal reference to reflect back on. I did not understand most of what was being exposed to me at that time, however, the further I traveled the “left hand path” the more knowledge prevailed. It just seemed to go hand in hand. I just followed what I was given and it continues to lead me on this “self-aware” journey. I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe synchronicity. People tend to confuse this with a “purpose”.  In actuality it is a simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.

People often attempt to define me, configure my personality into a box but I never could fit. For as long as I can remember I always had a mind of my own and marched to the beat of my own drum. I was connected with nature in an intense manner. I recall sitting at the top of the highest trees in the woods just talking with the trees by myself or hours lost. My hair needed to be chopped off once due to too much sap. I could never When someone asks me what “religion” preference I follow, I simply state that I do not believe in religion (man-made term) I just believe in “continuous”. I believe our energy never dies, it continues on to something else. I was always discovering my deeper inner abilities. I lived life with an open mind, judgement free and empathy. I learn something from every situation, good, bad indifferent. In every way possible I avoided conflict or anything that would contribute to hurting anyone. I could always be the “friend” that had the best advice through thoughtful reasoning and rational natural balance . This deeper part of my psyche, my consciousness and a part of the brain that takes years to develop. I look back and realize that I was made up of all the essentials to live a numinous way. By nature. My love, compassion and heart enables a numinous sympathy with other living-being in a causal moment that I can actually feel the other suffering, happiness etc; I have experienced enough of my own and I certainly can sense it immediately

I refer to something/someone as “them” not only my protectors but also the one’s who are there. I can’t see “them” but I feel their presence and awareness. I was on a heavy trip down the left hand path, however, I was pushing boundaries that could have trapped me in the Abyss. Any instances, and again not coincidences. I do very strongly believe I am part of “them” and in writing this I hope more of “them” will reach out to me. Reflecting back to my journalism, it has given me a certain course or guide to my next research.  The information that I knew prior to the research I studied, I could’ve never have possibly known. I continue to write things that I couldn’t understand then but I do now know. The knowledge revealed to me in the Abyss matches a history detrimental to a future greater to be known. For me this is my own personal destiny to continue. I don’t believe we have a purpose or destiny except as a “woman” to continue to the next aeon. I look forward in sharing some of my research and theories to come. Seeing this is my very first blog post, I wanted to give some type of perspective to where I am going with this blog.

~Karu Samsu~

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